WRITING AND REVISING EXERCISE

 Revise the following sentences using active voice appropriately.

1)      An exemplary job was done by the design team.

2)      Elizabeth polled only the clients in the Southeast, thereby producing an inaccurate marketing report.

3)      This innovative advertisement was design by J.D. Mackay. 

Decide for each pair of sentences which one is preferred and why.

a) Our petition for promotion was denied, but we were commended for our performance.

b)      Although the petition for promotion was denied, we were commended for our performance.

       a)      Congratulations on your recent honor.

       b)      Congratulations on your receipt of the “Employee of the Month” award.

 a)      We have shipped your order today.

b)      You will receive your order of 15 sprockets in 7 to 10 business days.

Improve coherence by linking sentences together to avoid abrupt changes in thought.

1)      The design group meets every Monday at 9 a.m. They go over plans and goals for the upcoming week. Other departments have similar meetings

2)      Diversity awareness training seems important to some employees. It is very effective in improving communication and understanding. Employees should participate in this training.

3)      Our company has initiated a new overtime policy. Employees can choose between overtime pay or compensatory time off. This policy could improve morale and productivity.

 Improve readability by dividing each of the following sentences into shorter sentences. 

1)      Several members of our firm will be touring the manufacturing plant in Tokyo during the week of May 16, 2004, and upon return to the United States will present a slide show documenting the trip, followed by a question-and-answer session, both to be held in the banquet hall of the Ashton Hotel in Denver on Friday, May 27.

2)      At the corporate level, the corporate Quality Improvement Department provides guidance and recommends resources for quality improvement activities and assesses organization-wide activities, while at the branch office level, the Department assists in the collection of data, facilitates quality improvement activities, and provides education for implementing the quality improvement process.

3)      The accountant will be arriving on Thursday to perform the audit, and will be using the 2^nd floor break room as a work area, meaning that employees should take morning and afternoon breaks in either the courtyard or the 3^rd floor lounge, and employees who use the 2^nd floor break room for lunch should report to the cafeteria at that time.

 Revise the following paragraph.

Our department needs two more engineers. The workload is such that the three engineers currently on staff are out of town on site at least three days a week. Although their work is satisfactory, at this pace, it could suffer soon. Morale is also starting to become a concern. Because of the increasing workload, it has become difficult for them to attend to routine administrative tasks in a timely fashion.